True ambition
Kids make you less ambitious?
For once, I disagree with Paul Graham:
I hate to say this, because being ambitious has always been a part of my identity, but having kids may make one less ambitious. It hurts to see that sentence written down. I squirm to avoid it. But if there weren’t something real there, why would I squirm? The fact is, once you have kids, you’re probably going to care more about them than you do about yourself. And attention is a zero-sum game. Only one idea at a time can be the top idea in your mind. Once you have kids, it will often be your kids, and that means it will less often be some project you’re working on. - Paul Graham
How weird, coming from him. And how weird, coming from me, the guy who’s all in on being a dad.
I can understand priorities change after kids. It did for me.
But it’s a strange (false) choice, pitting kids versus work. If you struggle with juggling kids and work, you just got to learn to delegate, outsource, reduce or automate the work so that you can have more time with kids, isn’t it?
Isn’t that the case for running a (YC) startup, or any work or job, even without kids?
My kid is for sure higher in priority than my work, and right now I do struggle balancing, but even I can see it’s not a mutually exclusive trade-off. It’s more like a logistical issue. Or a budget issue. I do everything I can to be efficient. If I can hire VAs, build bots, automate my products, then that will free up even more time.
Kids versus work is a false dichotomy.
Besides, if you’re truly ambitious, you would want and be able to find a way to have both, to have it all.
That’s true ambition.
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I’m not a parent. But I can definitely see where he’s coming from. You yourself said your kid is your highest priority. And that’s what should be the case for any parent. But that does make your work the second priority right?
Although a good health scare can make work a second priority too. It’s not so much about kids but about a cushion and about risk taking ability and willingness. If you’re already well off I think it’s not going to dampen ambition. Conversely wanting to give your kid a better life could even raise ambition.