Building in public means often too it’s easy to get advice from other indie hackers, even when unsolicited. I used to take it all in as good advice. But learned the hard way that that’s not always a good practice.
There are two types of advice, and you should be seeking only one of them.
1. Advice reveals the giver’s priorities
I’m a big believer of self-growth and learning, and over the years, I’d actively sought out and received lots of advice, from everyone I worked with and worked for.
But here’s the thing I realised: It often reflects more of what’s important to the giver, but not to you.
Ask anyone what they think about your product, they’ll tell you how what’s important based on their experience, or the latest thing they read about. It’s more about them, less about you.
Ask your manager for feedback on your work performance, and he’ll tell you the things that important to him, what he expects from his subordinates, and how you can step up in those aspects. It’s more telling of his priorities than your real, actual performance and your career growth priorities.
This sort of advice, even if from the wise to the wise, is tenuous at best, counterproductive at worst.
2. Advice is a mirror for yourself
The second way advice is a mirror is when the giver just holds a mirror to reflect back what you knew deep inside all along.
If you know, you know: This sort of advice often comes as questions, not answers. The advice giver is actively listening. She exhibits interest in your situation, your goals, your values, your dreams. She does not direct or instruct, but guides and nudges. There’s very little by way of solutions that she proffers. If she does share her personal experience, it’s to relate to your situation, to empathise, to connect, to convey that she understands.
Advice givers of this kind are those who can hold space and step outside of their ego to let you come to your own epiphanies. To draw out what you innately know already, but not acting on.
What advice to seek out
99% of feedback is the former, the kind that reveals more of the giver’s priorities. It’s okay to receive such advice and feedback, but know its place. It’s doesn’t define who you are. And you’re certainly not obliged to listen and act on it.
Seek the latter 1%, the kind of advice that doesn’t sound or read like advice. These are extremely rare and precious. The people who can do that, even rarer and precious. If you find people who can do that for you, work hard to stay friends with them.
Caveats
But that’s not to say all advice givers are selfish or self-centered.
People often offer advice out of good intentions. Politely acknowledge the kind intentions, even if you don’t accept any of the advice.
That’s not to say don’t ask for advice, at all.
Ask it, but don’t necessarily listen to all. Collect it, and filter, filter, filter. Act only on those you deem useful after you have considered carefully and done your own research.
Advice is a mirror.
Which direction it faces determines how relevant and useful it is for you.
I'm always reinterpreting what people say based on what I just read.😅